Finding My Heart
by mewmew kittykat94
Summary: 20 years after Edward left, Bella is changed without him and leaves her past behind. What happens when she goes back to Forks? Who will she see...The summary sux and its my first story. Please dont flame
1. Leaving the past

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I wish I did... ;.;**

BPOV

It has been 20 years of loneliness, 20 years of pain, and 20 years without Edward. After all these years, i still felt hollow, even after I was changed, I've never felt whole. I remember the day the emptiness consumed me.

After Edward left, my whole future torn away, I kept walking until the sky started to brighten. I heard some echos of someone calling my name, but I didn't pay attention, I just kept walking. After a few hours of walking, I came to a small clearing that reminded me of the meadow. When I reached it, I collapsed onto my hands and knees and sobbed my eyes out.

That is until I heard someone say, "So I see that bastard left his little human whore behind unprotected, just my luck." I looked up and saw a woman with flaming red hair and pitch black eyes staring at me.

"Who are you," I asked brokenly.

"My name is Victoria, and your Edward," I cringed at his mention, "killed my mate James, so I came back to get revenge. So what better than a mate for a mate," she started to laugh.

"Well, I'm sorry but I'm not _his _anything anymore, he left me and I have nothing to live for now," I said through another wave of tears, "why don't you just kill me anyway, cause even though it wouldn't hurt him, I won't have to hurt anymore."

She thought a moment then looked at me smugly. "Why should I kill you, its too good for you, its because of you that James is dead. Instead of killing you, I'm going to prolong your torment for eternity," she said as she grabbed me and bit down on my neck. She dropped me on the ground and watched me happily as I suffered through the fire of the venom. I didn't want to make her happy so I didn't scream at all. I just laid still.

After the second day, she left me to my suffering. The next day the pain finally decreased to nothing. I opened my eyes to no pain at all, other than the hole in my heart left by _him_.

I got up and looked around, I saw my blood all over the ground and thought to myself, _they'll find this and think I'm dead, I'll never see my family again...my life is gone._I would have cried at the thought but i couldn't anymore.

I figured out that I had to leave. I ran to the house (I could see why the Cullen's liked it), and climbed into my bedroom window. Charlie wasn't there so I didn't have to worry. I grabbed a bag and stuffed it with my money I have been saving, some clothes I didn't wear too much, and my passport (just in case). I was just about to jump out the window when I saw my reflection. The first thing I noticed was my eyes, that they were bright red. I saw that I now had wavy chestnut hair down to my back and I had more curves and my face had a softer appearance.

After I saw that, I climbed out the window and ran east as far as I could until my throat started to burn. I didn't want to disappoint my family, well my ex-family, so I looked and found some deer. I only needed one and the burning stopped. I ran again until I hit New York.

**Thanks for reading. This is my first fanfiction so don't be too mean. Please review and if you can give me some tips.**


	2. Returning Home

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer is the genius not me...**

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BPOV

I stayed in New York for five years, working for a department store (hating every minute of it/ Alice would be proud) and living on the outskirts of NYC. Afterwards, I traveled to many different, sunless places. Either posing as a high school or college student. I found out that Charlie died three years after I 'died', and Renee moved somewhere far away. I never found the Cullens. Now I'm going to the town where I lost everything, my life , my hope, and my heart

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It had been three weeks since I came to Forks. I bought Charlies old house, no one had bought it after he died so it was lower priced. It looked exactly the same, no one cleared it out I guess, other than twenty years worth of dust. Tomorrow, I'm going to enroll in Forks High as a junior. So, I'm going to start my old life over from were it started to crumble.

I could tell the first day of school, was going to suck. After I walked to school, I looked in the parking lot and saw a red convertible and a silver Volvo. I went to the front office and grabbed my schedule, strangely, it was exactly the same as my first year here. Classes went by slowly, the teachers were different but the classes were the same.

But at lunch time, it came to a screeching halt. A hauntingly familiar scent came to me. I pushed open the doors and saw them. Then _he _turned quickly and whispered, "Bella?" When I heard his voice, I bolted as quickly as I could with humans around. I picked up the pace until I got to the meadow.

EPOV

I couldn't believe that my family drug me here. This place full of painful memories and lingering traces of my Bella. I heard of her accident after I came back to get her back and I ran. I only came back two years ago after my family grabbed me before I could get on the plane to Italy. I had to stay with them so I could keep my promise not to kill myself.

Now I am sitting at the old lunch table barely listening to the conversation when the breeze brought to me the smell of freisia. I looked around and saw a vampire. She looked like Bella! Her hair was down to her waist, and her appearance, but I could recongnize her eyes even though they were topaz like mine. I couldn't believe it. I whispered "Bella?" and then she ran away with a pained look on her face. I looked back at my family and heard...

_'Was that Bella?' _...Jasper

_'Dude go after her!'_...Emmett

_'Oh great, she's back'_ Rosalie

_Oh my god! it's Bella! I cant believe it! I can't wait to take her shopping...' _Alice

I got up and ran after her (human pace) and followed her scent to the meadow.

BPOV

When I got to the meadow, I broke down and dry sobbed until I heard footsteps.I looked up and saw _him_ standing over me.

"Bella, is that you?" he said reaching out.

I got up and started backing away, shaking my head.

"What happened?"

I couldn't take it, I broke into a dead run. I knew he wouldn't catch up, if he thought he was fast, he had another thing coming. I was the fastest vampire out of every one I met over the years. I got to my house and locked all the doors and windows even though I knew if they wanted in, a little wood or glass wouldn't stop them. I went to my room, sat down on my bed and held my legs to my chest to keep the pain from consuming me. I lived twenty years numb and it was all coming back down on me. I heard a knock on my window, expecting Edward, and saw Alice.

**Sorry I had to stop there. Its getting late and they aren't letting me on the computer anymore .;**

**please review or give me tips**

**lots of love, mewmew kittykat94**


	3. Comprimise

**Disclaimer: I don't own it… sobs I hate that part… also I know this isn't as good as the first chapter…**

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All I could do was stare at the window. It was Alice. Most people would think I was crazy, but even after all this time, I still considered her my best friend.

"Bella let me in. We need to talk," she said. As she said this I kept shaking my head. She sighed and jumped off the roof.

I thought I was safe until I heard the key in the door. _'Darn I never thought about the key under the mat!'_ I jumped off the bed and raced to the door and quickly sat down in front of it. I knew it was childish but seeing them today was really hurting me.

"Bella…open the door. Before I break it down," she said while she gritted her teeth, I could tell.

"Why would you want to talk to me? You all left me without even a goodbye! You went and left me with nothing in my life!" I started dry sobbing. How many times am I going to sob today, it was pathetic.

"Oh Bella, I can explain," she sighed.

"No, the time for explaining is over! Its twenty years too late." This was all I could take. I got up and dropped onto the bed, dry sobs racking my body. I hated this so much, feeling weak and alone like I did in the woods that day. I heard the door open and felt the bed sink slightly.

"It's going to be ok… don't do this Bella… I can't stand to see you like this," she said this while she gathered me in her arms, even though I was bigger than her. She held me till I stopped. "Now are you ready to talk?"

"Fine, I'll talk, you can start the interrogation."

"How did you get changed? How did you hide what happened? What did you do after?"

Ah twenty questions, how I missed that. I didn't have to be psychic to know that was coming. "Victoria attacked me after Edward left me in the woods. I made it look like an animal attacked me. Then I ran to my house and grabbed all the stuff I could without having it look suspicious and ran to New York."

"Why New York? What did you do there?"

"I don't know I just kept running till I was hungry. New York was the closest city from where I stopped. I also needed money, so I worked at a department store… and I hated every minute." I cringed at the memories of that place.

"Weren't you temped by the blood?"

"No, it's one of my abilities, along with the fact that I only need to hunt once a month."

Her mouth formed a perfect 'O'. "Wow, Carlisie will be love to see that. No, everyone will love to see you. The family is a wreck without you. This is the Let's go to the house so you can explain everything to them."

That scared me. "No! I can't…I can't see them. It hurts to see _him_ but seeing everyone will only show me what I've lost. I spent all these years broken and I've finally put everything back together. I can't go through all that pain again." If I were still human the tears would've been flowing. "It hurts just hearing his voice. When I saw him, all I could think was him leaving me in the woods. A 'clean break' my ass… these twenty years were the worst of my life. I've only gotten better these last two years when I thought there was no chance I'd see all of you again. That's why I came back."

"…If I tell Edward to stay out of sight will you come?" She looked so pitiful, she really wanted me to come, so I broke.

"Maybe, but you have to promise me something."

"What would that be…… oh crap."

I smiled at that. "Yep, you have to promise to not take me shopping or play 'Bella Barbie' for two weeks."

"Fine," she started to pout.

"Let me get ready and I'll meet you at the beginning of your drive."

"Ok, I'll see you then," she said smiling.

As she jumped out the window the only thought in my mind was _'Why in the hell did I agree to that?!'_

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**Thanks for reading. I know the chapters are short but I'm trying. This is the longest so far.**

**Thanks again and lots of love, mewmew kittykat94**


	4. Visiting the Family

**Disclaimer: I don't own it**

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I know I was just putting off the inevitable. I did everything human pace. I looked through my closet and counted every outfit I owned even just to kill time.

I grabbed some of my old clothes, a grey sweater and jeans, which were strangely in great condition. I pulled my hair up into a high pony tail and looked in the mirror. I looked pretty good if I say so myself, better than Rosalie even. Even better is that I could make Edward suffer if he didn't listen to Alice and even snuck a glance.

I looked at the clock and frowned. Alice was going to have my head on a platter…I wasted an hour on doing meaningless stuff. I ran to the front door and grabbed the key under the mat. _'No more uninvited guests in my house!'_ I locked the door and walked human pace (she was going to kill me anyway) to the Cullens' house

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I got to the drive and saw Alice. She was going to kill me. Or at the very least make my life miserable.

"Where have you been?"

"I was looking through my old stuff. I just moved in three days ago and I still need to clean and other things. I need to still get settled…in…" Her glare made me quit making my pitiful excuses. "Fine, I was stalling."

"I know, I saw you counting how many outfits you have."

"You caught me, now let's go," I said unhappily as I started towards the house.

"Wait Bella, I have to tell you something!"

I turned around to face her. "What is it?"

"Edward didn't agree to stay out of sight," she said sheepishly.

"Bye Alice, see you later," I started to walk back to my house.

"Wait, he didn't agree to go away but he says he'll keep out of the way."

"Fine, but our deal is changing…four weeks." I smiled at her look of horror.

"Bella, you're killing me!! " she cried.

"Yell at him about this, it's his fault, not mine." I just kept smiling at the thought of four weeks without 'Bella Barbie' and shopping. And I thought I was happy with two…

"Don't worry, I'm going to chew him out so bad… but it'll have to wait. Everyone's waiting and we need to go."

We ran to the house and Alice opened the door. I walked in, and got greeted by a huge bear hug from Emmett, one that would've broken bones if I was human.

"Hey Emmett, how's it going?" I grinned up at him.

"Better now that you're here," he said as he squeezed me again.

I heard a growl coming from the corner of the room. I looked over Emmett's shoulder and saw Edward glaring at him. I laughed and hugged Emmett harder.

"Wow Bella, you're strong for your age!"

"I'd probably beat you at wrestling even," I grinned up at him, "I got to keep my newborn strength."

"Don't bet on that Bella."

"Emmett, don't keep her to yourself, we missed her too," that came from Esme. I pried myself out of the hug, walked over to her, and gave her a hug.

"Hello Esme, I missed you."

"Didn't you miss us?" I looked over and saw the other half of the family off to the side.

"Come on guys, it's been twenty years, of course I missed you. I still at least deserve a hug!"

Carlislie came over and hugged me. "Good to have you back, Bella."

Jasper was next. "We all missed you."

Rosalie and Edward didn't say anything or move at all while I was getting my hugs. Now it's time for the fun part…

"Has Alice told you guys everything or do I need to explain again?"

Alice looked over at me and smiled, "I thought I should leave it for you to tell them."

"Ok we'll do the same thing I did with Alice, just ask away."

Their questions were pretty much the same as Alice's before. When I started my story, Esme started hugging me tight and I saw Edward cringe when I mentioned him leaving. He growled when I got to the part with Victoria…I didn't understand why. He's the one who left, why should he care. At different points in my story, he looked like he was about to reach out to me, but each time I shot him a death glare and continued.

Carlisie's only question was about my abilities. "What are all of your abilities Bella?"

"Well, I only need to hunt once a month, human blood doesn't tempt me, I kept my newborn strength, and I still have my 'shielding' thing going for me."

He looked surprised but didn't ask anything else. The questioning kept going until I saw the clock and saw that it was six. "Ok guys, it's time for me to go, school and such…" I didn't say that I wasn't coming but Alice would see it anyway. I got my goodbyes and said to them "I'll come over later, bye!" I walked out of the door and started to pick up the pace when I felt someone grab my arm.

Edward

**Sorry I had to stop again but I had to. Thanks for reading and please review**

**I'll put up another chapter as soon as I can.**

**Lots of love, mewmew kittykat94**

**I am really really sorry about the delay...I lost all of my files and stuff on the computer after a huge crash and we're in the process of getting a new one (I'm on the school computer) I'll try to rewrite all of my lost story**


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